It’s not only my weight that I
struggle with in life. I feel like every moment of my existence is an uphill
battle. My son’s dad cheated on me with my brother’s fiancée 7 years ago and my
life has been one fight after another since then. Everything was in his name so
I lost EVERYTHING. I had to move back in with my mother and pick up my life
starting from square one at age 25 with a 3 year old in tow. The custody and
child support was a messy battle that still rears its head more often than I
would like.
I have 2 jobs most of the time because I am
not qualified enough for one good one so that I do not have to work so damn
hard all the time to barely scrape by in life. I lived on my own from 2010-2012
and I loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, I could not afford to keep living
without help so I had to go back home to my mother at age 32 with a 10 year old
in tow. I have managed a tanning salon for 8 years. I am great at customer
service and sales. I hire, I fire, I make a schedule, and I am responsible for
the success of my location. You think this would look good on a resume but all
anyone sees is tanning salon and they laugh at me. I work hard, but I get paid
crap. I apply for a new job every
Monday. Actually, I apply for like 50 jobs every Monday but I am still stuck
here. I nanny 2 weekends a month just to enjoy the little things like movies
and lunch with my son or a friend.
I
apply for food stamps and they make me jump through hoops. I make $10 an hour
to raise a child and I can not qualify for help. I pay into a system that only
helps those who refuse to help themselves while others who try as hard as they
can to make it work do not get help. I think DES needs to change their policy
to only helping people who actually work but fall short in life. We should stop
aiding the lazy and helping them live better than the working poor. I used to
get $84 a month in food stamps, now I get $0. Do you know what $84 buys for a
single mother and her child? CRAP. Ramen noodles, cheap frozen dinners, canned
foods, milk and bread. Imagine trying to lose weight when you can not afford
anything aside from processed garbage. Imagine having to feed this to your
child and watching his waist size enlarge by the months.
His
father very rarely pays child support and thinks it is okay that we live like
this. Meanwhile, he sits in $400,000 home with his toys and gadgets eating well
all while telling me he owes me nothing because he takes care of his son when
he is over there. He is okay with Aaron(son)
living poor in one home and well off in another.
My
mom went through breast cancer shortly after the break up. My aunt is going
through ovarian cancer right now. The women in my life are sick. That breaks my
heart everyday. This also puts me at higher risk for cancer and guess what? I
have no insurance.
I
feel like everything that I do is a fight. I can’t ever just have a break in
life and it sucks. With all the hills I climb emotionally on a day to day basis
it is no wonder I have no mental energy left to climb a real hill and lose this
weight. I just have nothing left at the end of the day to actually try.
These
are many of the reason’s I am a self hater. Everything is hard and everyone
walks away. (Or gets sick).
That
all said- I have followed weight watchers all week. I am doing well so far. Let’s
just hope I can keep it in me for the long haul.
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