The ME I used to be. (Jessica)

Hello World! Welcome back. 
I have not always been the fat girl. I have been the skinny girl, the chubby girl who thought 10 extra pounds made me fat, the REALLY chubby girl and the obese girl. I have been on every side of the scale. My lowest was 135lbs- my highest is my current weight of 271. My old FAT number was 254.  When my fiancee and son's father cheated on me and broke my heart (more on that later), I tipped the scales at 254. I was mortified with this number and decided to change something. I lost 20 pounds without even trying from sheer sadness. When you are busy crying your eyes out, you forget to do simple things like eat. BEST DIET EVER. (kidding). So as the weight came off, I felt a bit less worthless.
 I whittled my way down to 170lbs using weight watchers. To this day weight watchers is the only program that has really worked for me. But as we all struggle with weight know- unless your heart and mind are into it- you will never lose weight with any program. You have to decided you ARE worth it. I have been so busy hating myself up to 271 pounds that I didn't think I was worth it. But, starting this blog makes me realize someone out there is struggling just as I am and that person is worth it so I must be worth it too! I will have to be accountable to everyone on here so I have to make a change. 
I read a passage this morning that posed the question- "Imagine your life 20 years from now. Are you doing the things you want to do and living the life you want to live? Make the changes today that need to be made for a better tomorrow."

The Jessica I used to be was a free spirit. She lived by her own rules and danced to the beat of her own drum. She was outgoing, charasmatic and fun to be around.( below pic 170lbs)

 The Jessica I am now is a shell of the person I used to be. I am a homebody who watches life from the sidelines. If I look at my life in 20 years I see a VERY old 52 year old woman who is obese and walking with a walker (arthritis). I do not want that future for myself. I want to be the Jessica who would lap dance a random guy in a bar if I felt like it (although it's not so classy to do that anymore). I want to be the ME I used to be.

I started weight watchers again today. I will weigh in with all of you each Monday. 
Because I am so big, I start off with tons of points. 41 daily points plus. This should be easy to follow if I just remember that I am worth it.